I find myself in bed thinking about what I’m gonna write about, I come across this beautiful words of what I’m going to write and have this perfect post right on my head when I fall asleep, then, I wake up and it is gone. I have been thinking lately that the next time this happens I’m just gonna get up and write it down, but the truth is that I find myself too tired at night to get up again, by the time my day ends, I’m exhausted :).
I was at the studio today and an old student came back after he’s been traveling for a year, it is always really nice to see familiar faces crossing the door, specially him, his whole family has been practicing at our studio almost since we opened, so we do have a “special” feeling towards them. After a hug and a hello he said “I read your blog”, (and this has happened now with a few students, even though I have no idea where they saw it because they are not my friends on Facebook, but it is great, I’m writing this for everybody to read it) and he said it with this look of… I don’t know if I should call it compassion… but his eyes surely showed some compassion to me. They saw me pregnant, I mean he and his family, they saw Isa as a newborn, his mother had a present for her on her first birthday etc. I couldn’t help it, I felt like crying, I don’t know why, it just happened, I tried to stop it, I turned the other way and thought about something else, I looked at him and said “it’s ok”, to me it looked like he wanted to say something else but didn’t exactly know what and so I said “it’s ok” again, I asked him about his girlfriend trying to put my mind on something else. It worked, I managed to compose myself. Sometimes I get emotional about Isa, about what it would be if she had a full working brain, I see babies her age and think that she should have been just like them, but she is not, then I push those feelings away. What’s the point? I mean really, I have decided not to spend my life and her life thinking about “what if”. She is Isa, and Isa is perfect the way she is, her impairments doesn’t affect the fact that she is absolutely amazing, she is the funniest, the nicest baby-toddler around. I won’t lie, many times I have thought “what would it be if”, but I have decided not to do it anymore, I know she will reach all of her milestones, just on her own pace, everything is gonna come, when it has to come. She is progressing, sometimes it feels like she gets stocked, but then one day she starts improving again. So yes, Isa is Isa, no pity and she is wonderful.
I feel really lucky that we have such a great community at our working place, I feel that Isa is always gonna be safe there, around all these people that have been walking this walk beside her. We have so many wonderful, caring students and she is this little princess around them, she likes to stand at the reception desk (with support) and just greet everyone that comes in or out. Sometimes when I’m teaching I can hear her out screaming and talking with Nicklas, and all the students just laugh a little bit, it helps them to get some energy to finish class.
Our appointment at Move and Walk was moved to next Friday and I really feel like being there. I feel like I get this “push” when we go and I come back full of energy to train with Isa again. I really hope she can start moving somehow by herself soon, she wants to move, she gets so frustrated just siting around and I don’t mind picking her up and moving her around, but she has to do it by herself, she also wants to do it by herself, but she can’t yet. She will start a few hours at kindergarten in late August, so I have to work really hard with her the whole summer so she can move somehow alone when she is there, we will see.
I love her, she has taught me so much in one year, she keeps teaching me more and more everyday and this is just the beginning.