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It’s been a while…

Well…

I have been away, I have been meaning to sit and write, but it seems like it took me a year to actually sit and write. Should I blame it on my always busy life or should I just say that time slipped away through my hands and today I realised that I hadn’t even login on wordpress for I don’t know how long, so long that just now, when I logged in and started going through my feed, I saw all these post from other blogs I follow and was amazed for how much their kids had grown, I guess, just like mine.

Isa is 4 1/2 years old.

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She has improved tremendously in every sense over this year, much more that I could have ever imagined. She has surprised us over and over again.

One year ago she started to take her first steps by herself. One year ago, my friend Veronica came from Budapest to train with her for 3 weeks, 3 hours a day with the Conductive pedagogy or Petö method. She was amazing with Isa and was able to take Isa to the next step in every sense. After that everything has changed, a lot.

She also stopped with her epilepsy medication and that was a huge change too. She transformed, became ‘awake’. She was suddenly paying attention, listening more, wanted to sit and look at a whole book. She became present and aware of many things, started eating, sleeping, enjoying food.

After her intensive training with Veronika she started walking barefoot, standing up and sitting down from a chair, leaning down to pick up stuff and slowly she became quick and good at it. After a few months without medication she started saying words, here and there. Now, she can say 3 word sentences and many, many words in both Swedish and Spanish.

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She walks now, stable. She has just now started to go up the stairs by herself, she still need help going down the stairs and to climb something high, like getting into the car or sitting on her kitchen chair. She can say so many words that sometimes if feels like she’s never quiet 🙂 . She is dipper free and needs help to sit on the toilet and to take down and up her pants.

Her bond with Ella has grown so much. They are so close together, it melts my heart.

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Still here…

I don’t really know for how long I have been trying to sit down and write a post. At some point I didn’t even try, I just didn’t feel like writing… at all. A lot has happened since the last time I wrote, Isa is now a 3 year old, a little girl that can be very stubborn, a little person who’s favorite word is ‘no’ and who can throw herself on the floor when she doesn’t wanna do something. She knows what she wants and it is not easy to change her mind. A little girl who is quite tall for her age and can be very sweet and loving, she can come to you and start hugging you and kissing you, but if she is in a bad mood, she will start kicking like crazy and will try to hit you and scratch you. Sometimes it feels like she finds funny if you are in pain. If she hits you and you say no, she smiles and continues over and over. It can get kind of frustrating, I don’t mean that she does this every day, just once in a while (today for example). She has become very social, loves to be around new people and get to enjoy more and more Ella’s company.

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Around 4 months ago we started lowering her medication for epilepsy after she showed no epilepsy activity on her brain and hasn’t had a seizure in more than 2 years. She has now been off medication for over 2 months and we couldn’t be happier. She seems like a new girl in many ways. She sleeps wonderful, she eats and enjoys food, she pays much more attention to everything, she has started to say more words and imitate more sounds, her hair is growing, etc… It shows just how many side effects a medication can cause. We just really hope the seizures don’t come back and she continues to feel better without the medicine.

She can walk and take quite a few steps by herself when she is wearing her AFO’s, she can take a few shaky steps by herself when she’s barefoot. Everything has been improving, slowly, but improving.

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She has just today started a 2 week intensive training with the conductive pedagogy method. We are hoping to see a lot of changes and see Isa develop in many ways during this summer months.

Ella is now 15 months. She is a super strong little girl running and jumping around. She has received quite a lot of punches by Isa and a few scratches and bites, but also a lot of love from her big sister. As Ella grows and gets stronger, she can avoid and protect herself more and more when Isa tries to hit her. The have started to actually have a lot of fun together and Isa wants to have Ella around all the time, they are like mirrors, one does something and the other one does the same. As time passes it seems like Ella understands that her sister can not do many things by herself and she tries to help her. They were just playing on the balcony the other day and Isa got stocked and couldn’t come in to the living room, Ella went back, grabbed her hand and started pulling Isa to come up.

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I feel so happy that we had Ella and now they have each other.

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Going private

Nicklas and I have been discussing different topics about our children and social media, about how your kids images can end up being all over the place and how to protect them (if you can say “protect”) from it. After talking about Isa’s blog we have come to the conclusion to make it private, this is her life I’m writing about and even though my intention is good and I do it so she can read how everything was happening, I think it is for her best to keep it private and just those who really care about it can read it.

If you want to read about Isa and follow this blog, please leave a comment with your email or your username on wordpress so I can add you to the list of readers. It is only by invitation that this blog is gonna be visible.

All the best from us to you ♥

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Dear Ella

Ella is turning 8 months on Friday, time has gone fast and we are totally amazed by our little girl. This started as Isa’s blog, but as time passes and our life grows as a family with a new member I can’t help myself with the idea of changing the blog’s name to something different and start writing about both of them, as the sisters they are and how they are growing together.

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I can’t begin to describe Ella, she is just… amazing. As parents of Isa (and her special needs) we missed the “normal” timing on a baby’s milestones, you know, rolling over, crawling, pulling to stand, first steps (her first steps are yet to come, no doubt about it) etc… so for us, everything that we are experiencing with Ella is just pure bliss. She turned to her side while sleeping when she was 8 days old, she rolled over to her belly when she was 4, at 4,5 she started cargo crawling, at 7 months she was crawling in all 4 without any trouble, she is about to turn 8 and can pull herself to stand and takes step while holding into something, she is all over the place and I’m sure she will be walking by 9 months.

Every time she does something new (and new things happen everyday, all the time) Nicklas and I can’t help but to look at each other and smile, and by smile I mean wide side to side smile.

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She is happy all the time, she is always smiling, loves to pull Isa’s pacifier out from her mouth, loves to be with Isa (even though Isa can be a little bit rough to her). It’s amazing to see them interact, to see the relationship they are building together.

I’m in love, big time.

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Do you ever feel like a bad mother?

Sometimes I do and it breaks my heart. I believe that most of us grow up not wanting to make the same mistakes that our mother made with us, those things that hurt us, those things that we as kids said to ourselves “I will never do that to my kids”. I had a few of those sentences in my mind, that’s for sure. My mum was a hard one, she meant good, as most of us, but she hurt us many times, not  just me, but all of her kids. I’m the youngest of her 6 kids, so in a way, my older sisters and brothers where always trying to protect me and my sister Karen from mum, they did a great job, as much as they could. I wouldn’t say that I had an easy childhood, because I didn’t, my parents divorced when I was 6 and my mum took me to live with her, I loved my father, very much, we all did, he was a great man. It broke my heart when I had to go and live in another city, away from dad, I used to look at my friends parents and wished my parents were happy together, but they weren’t. My mum had a tough childhood too I guess and she was tough on us. My sister Karen and I escaped from home as soon as we could and we spent a few years hiding from her, until eventually we met again and made peace. But mum did something very good, she raised 6 kids that loved each other like nothing else. We love each other, every time I pick up the phone to talk with one of my siblings, all you can hear is us laughing. My relationship with my mum is good now, mostly because I have been living across the atlantic for 9 years, she is old now too, so we all pretend that nothing happened and try to be good kids, taking care of her. Don’t get me wrong, as much as she was tough, when she was in a good state of mind she was wonderful, she gave us a lot of good things and worked her ass off (together with my dad) to give us a good life (money wise), the best education and the luxury to travel a lot.

Anyways… Sometimes I feel like a bad mum and I wonder how Isa would look back and remember those times when I don’t live up to her expectations as a mum. She is growing up too and being a toddler doesn’t make it easier.

To Isa:

Chiquita, you know I write this blog for you, and sometime in the future when you read this, I want you to understand that I love you, that those times when you were little and Ella was stealing my attention from you, I was trying my best to keep an eye and an ear close to you so I wouldn’t miss any moment with you. That those times when you wanted to be in my arms but my arms had Ella trying to sleep I couldn’t just drop her and pick you up. That those times when I spent time with you training and you didn’t want to train and you would cry and cry and I would feel terribly guilty for pushing you to do something difficult for your body, I meant good, all I wanted was to help you. That all those times I started crying when you wanted me while I couldn’t help you I was crying because it made me feel awful not to be able to make you happy every single second of your life.

Te amo,

Mamá

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